It has come to our attention that a number of our hourly workers at the Treadmill Plant have been carping about "alleged" exposure to lethal doses of radiation. As you know, our company has been manufacturing atomic-powered scooters at the Treadmill Plant for almost ten years. Not one employee has used the proper channels and come forward with an "official complaint" (signed and in triplicate). Our official position is that the production of our scooters does not constitute a health hazard. We stand by this assertion, as have the OSHA inspectors who have been generously compensated for their time and trouble. We also reject as spurious the unofficial in-house study that referred to consumers "glowing in the dark."
There is an unsubstantiated rumor that one of our executive officers has been in touch with the Treadmill Gazette. Apparently, there has been some email chatter about this issue in our corporate office. We have monitored some of these communications and will be pursuing action against these employees. In order to facilitate this investigation, our Gotcha Department will be assembling a dossier of computer logs, camera images, and email records. All suspected employees will be required to take a polygraph test. Any employees found to be using office communication for "personal use" will be terminated.
We have learned from this episode. Our hiring and management practices must be tightened up. In addition to our usual regimen of genetic screening, our Human Resources Department will be implanting identification and behavior monitoring chips in the forearms of all newly hired employees. As soon as our chip supplier can increase production, present employees will also be outfitted with the device. This chip is able to transmit information to our central database about each employee's location, activity, and state of mind. It will make the minicams hidden in every cubicle obsolete.
It is the responsibility of each employee to keep this memo confidential. Wall Street has given our stock a "buy" recommendation. I don't have to tell you what your loyalty means to Chaos International. Besides, if you ever want to see another Christmas bonus...
Ethics Scenario -- Copyright © 2003,
Gordon L. Ziniewicz