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Treadmill Gazette
Circulation 2006               Wednesday, December 3, 2003                     $8.50            

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Dr. Z's Philosophy Page
TREADMILL MAYOR INDICTED
The office of the Treadmill District Attorney has confirmed that charges have been filed against the Treadmill mayor for alleged campaign contribution fraud, including but not limited to accepting bribes and kickbacks from a prominent Treadmill industry. More details will follow.

TOYS YOU CAN TRUST
Safe-Tee Toys

"What's good for Chaos
is good for Treadmill."
--
Treadmill Mayor


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CONCERNED CITIZENS TO MEET WITH CHAOS EXECS

Outraged consumers have called for a meeting with the Chaos vice-president and staff in charge of the newly acquired Safe-Tee Toys division of Chaos International. Apparently, toy buyers have flooded Chaos with numerous complaints about the safety and reliability of the newest toy line. Typical complaints refer to:

  • cheap plastics that splinter and stab
  • small lead toys with choking hazards
  • scooters with failing brakes
(concerned citizens continued)
  • toy trains that electrocute
  • remote-controlled cars with exploding batteries
  • video games that freeze up after the 30-day warranty period
  • bow-and-arrow playsets
  • plush toys stuffed with unknown "recycled" products
  • cribs from hell
  • trikes that collapse and tip
  • broken glass kitchen sets
  • flammable playsuits

The Gazette was unable to reach Chaos Customer Service for comment.


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Copyright © 2003 Gordon L. Ziniewicz

 

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