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Treadmill Gazette
Circulation 1422              Wednesday, December 10, 2003                     $12.95     

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CHAOS TO CLOSE SCOOTER PLANT!

In a brief news conference held on the steps of City Hall, the CEO of Chaos International, with the mayor at his side, announced that Chaos is shutting down operations and closing the doors of its Treadmill scooter factory. Controversies raging over an alleged "Plutonium" scooter -- as well as worker protests, citizen boycotts, and a renewed EPA investigation -- "have absolutely nothing to do with the shutting down of the plant," according to the CEO. Rather, he cited rising production costs as driving the relocation of scooter manufacturing to a yet undisclosed third-world country. The CEO further denied that weapons-grade plutonium had ever been shipped or used by his company.

At the same news conference, the mayor indicated that the city of Treadmill would purchase the land formerly occupied by the Chao International Scooter PlantTreadmill plant and would contract with Chaos to build a new shopping mall, convention center, and playground on the site. According to the mayor, there was scant evidence that above-ground radiation levels constituted an immediate threat to human health.

 

Both the CEO and the mayor agreed that jobs created by demolition of the old factory, as well as construction and use of the new facilities, would more than offset jobs lost due to the plant's shutdown.



TREADMILL CITY COUNCIL TO MEET

An emergency meeting of the Treadmill City Council has been slated for Thursday, December 11. The agenda of the meeting will be "The Impact of Chaos on the Community and Environment of Treadmill." Items under discussion will include the closing of the Chaos scooter plant and the mayor's plan to hand over more of the taxpayers' money to Chaos. Council members have invited all concerned citizens to attend.



MUTANT FROGS

Mutant frogs, with extra or missing limbs, multiple eyes, and other deformities have been observed in many ponds and lakes in the Midwest and other regions. See this site for more information.


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Copyright © 2003 Gordon L. Ziniewicz

 

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