Chaos International

From: Advertising and Marketing
Subject: Million-Dollar Ad Campaign
Date: 11/19/03
CC: Other Employees

Our "million-dollar" ad campaign is off and running. The X-RAY 1000 looks like a sure hit for the holidays. We're already knee-deep in advance orders, which is quite remarkable, since the new scooters haven't made it out of Design and Engineering, much less Production and Testing. It was tough putting together the brochure without real drawings or specs. Heck, nobody knows whether the darn things are even going to run.

The only research making the rounds was that old "unofficial" consumer and environmental impact study. I don't know what their problem was. How can they call the scooter unsafe before we actually make one? The initial reactor shielding report that came out of Design and Engineering showed no measurable containment penetration. Of course, it was a dry run without fuel rods. That was a few weeks ago, and the plutonium was still in transit somewhere in Indiana.

Someone from the FTC called yesterday. They saw one of our ads somewhere, and they're sending someone over to ask some questions. I don't know what that's all about. I called Design and Engineering, but nobody answered. In fact, things have been pretty quiet over there for the last couple of weeks. Are they on vacation? They must have gotten the plutonium by now, don't you think? Maybe our legal assistant can find out what the FTC fuss is all about.

Remember the employee who griped about making coffee? Well, we put her to work on the Web version of our brochure. I haven't had a chance to look at it myself, but I heard it turned out pretty well -- lots of color, bold type, and "good old hype" (if you know what I mean). You can check it yourself on our site. The filename is brochure2.html.

Anyway, the brochure's out there; our ad's in the paper; and we bought some thirty-second spots during the televised Monster Truck Rally. We'll work the malls and toy stores and everywhere the kids hang out. We've also come up with some catchy slogans like:

"Be an actor with your reactor."
"For work and for fun, give Chaos a run."
"Put the end of the world in your own backyard."
"Don't settle for less; get total devastation with a half-life of a million years."
"Why not pack up your fuel rods and go fission?"
Singing, "Gamma Chameleon."
"Forget the beach. Soak up some rays on the ride to work."
"Get the bang and not the whimper."

Aren't they great? That ought to make old Rudolph's nose really glow. And I guess we're talking "Christmas bonus" (hint, hint). Now if we can just get Design and Engineering to make the X-RAY 1000 as good as we said it is...




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